My Take on How to Leap to Leadership Without Losing Yourself: The Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

If you’re reading this, you might already be in a leadership role or you might be eyeing one—either way, you’ve probably noticed something: there's lots of "leadership" advice floating around...Some of it is great, some of it isn't so great...but what I've always found helps me most --- is listening to other people's personal anecdotes from actual experience... So here's mine. 

To be honest, I learned some of this by trial and error (so sorry for anyone that was working for me when I was learning it) but that's the corporate price you pay when companies are too cheap to pay for real leadership training. (Don't worry, along the way, I finally got some absolutely FANTASTIC training -- AND executive coaching and things got way better)...but leadership is still a wild ride.

You're working with people in an ecosystem..and I don't care where you work -- politics are and will be involved.  It can feel like you’re finally on top of things—until you realize you’ve feel crazy, and you're not sure you've actually effectively lead or helped anyone. Then, there's you -- your spirit, your being, that you want to try to keep in tact while you're doing all of this... So, let’s get real. Here’s my take on how to leap into leadership (or re-align with it) without losing yourself. 

1. Know Your “Why” (And Keep It in Your Back Pocket)

First of all, why do you want to lead? Not just in a “oh, I want a bigger paycheck” kind of way, but in a “what impact do you want to make?” kind of way. Trust me, if you don’t have a solid “why,” you’ll find yourself saying “yes” to things that drain you or just don’t align with what really matters to you. I’ve been there. I’ve been sucked into the hamster wheel of busy leadership and forgot to ask myself why I started in the first place. Leadership, believe it or not, actually isn't about you either. So, if you find all of the answers pointing back to you -- you might be in the wrong seat to be honest. 

Get clear on your purpose. Reflect on it regularly. When the pressure comes (and it will), your “why” will be your anchor. It’ll stop you from losing yourself when it feels like everything else is pulling you in a million directions.

2. Boundaries Are Your Best Friend 

Okay, let’s talk boundaries. I can hear some of you already—“But I have to do everything! I have to say yes to every opportunity and every person who asks for my help!” No. You don’t. That mindset is a one-way ticket to burnout, and trust me, I’ve been there too. Know your limits. Everyone's are different, so don't look around and compare while you are figuring out what yours are. Building leadership boundaries also takes time -- and as you grow, you may have the stamina and capacity to take on more. 

Life also kicks in here -- for example, I once had a colleague who came back to work after having a baby -- and she was constantly in tears (hello hormones!) but she kept thinking she should be able to do what she had been able to do before the baby. I remember asking her during one of those tearful moments..."Why on EARTH would you think that?" You are in here maintaining life for your baby who is at home -- and trying to live in this crazy environment. She had to figure out how to prioritize, and be okay with the fact that her priorities had greatly changed for this season. 

One of the hardest lessons I learned was that leadership doesn’t mean you have to be everything to everyone. Setting boundaries is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Protect your time, energy, and sanity. Don’t be afraid to say no when something doesn’t align with your priorities or values. Boundaries allow you to lead effectively without losing your sense of self.

3. Vulnerability Isn’t Weakness—It’s Your Secret Weapon

Here’s a tough one: vulnerability. You know, that thing that’s somehow been labeled as weakness in the leadership world? Newsflash: It’s actually a strength. The truth is, no one expects you to be perfect, and when you show that you're human, your team will trust you more. Obviously, do this carefully -- oversharing with direct reports is still kind of a no (cause if you ever have to correct behavior or give unfavorable feedback this can get awkward really quick) -- but you can still be human! There is a balance. 

It’s okay to admit you don’t know all the answers. Ask for help. Be open about your struggles. That’s how you build connection. Vulnerability isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a key to real, impactful leadership.

4. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Essential

I get it. As a leader, you’re juggling a million things, and taking care of you might feel like an afterthought. But let me say this: If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a must. It’s not about spa days or “me-time” (though, yes, those are nice), it’s about setting up a lifestyle that supports your well-being. Truth bomb, I still have to intentionally work at this myself ... EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Corporate conditioning made this unnatural to me. 

Whether it’s exercise, therapy, time with loved ones, or just shutting down for the night—do it. If you’re constantly pouring from an empty cup, you’ll burn out. Trust me, I’ve been there too. So, make your well-being a priority. It’s not only good for you—it’s good for your team.

5. Don’t Forget Who You Are Along the Way

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen leaders (myself included) get caught up in trying to fit a mold of what “a good leader” is supposed to look like. Spoiler alert: That mold doesn’t exist. The best leaders are the ones who stay true to themselves.

Don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you that you need to act differently to be a good leader. Be you. If you're in an environment that isn't supporting you either, well, is that really a culture fit long term? Lean into your strengths, your quirks, and your unique perspective. Authenticity is magnetic. People are drawn to realness, not perfection. And guess what? Staying true to yourself isn’t just good for your team—it’s good for you, too.

Wrapping It Up

So, there it is. My take on how to leap into leadership—or re-align with it—without losing yourself. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real, staying connected to your purpose, and knowing when to hit pause so you can take care of yourself.

If you’re already in a leadership role and you’re starting to feel like you’ve lost touch with who you really are, don’t worry. You can always course-correct. And if you’re about to take the leap into leadership, do it with the awareness that you can still be you—and that’s exactly what makes you the best leader.

If you’re ready to dig deeper into making this transition (or re-alignment) smoother, I’m here to help. Reach out. I'd love to hear from you!